HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM THE TRAP OF COMPARISON
I think former President Teddy Roosevelt was onto something when he penned the quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I mean, how many times have you been so excited or proud of something you accomplished only to have that joy stripped down by the not-so-little trap of comparison?
When I was in college, I applied for a summer internship where, if accepted, I would attend a prestigious graduate school across the country, shadow current students, and take higher-level courses. I still wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to do with my life so I thought this would be the perfect way to help figure that out.
The application was long and arduous and it was my first time ever having to construct a personal essay about myself. I felt so young and naive with no real experiences under my belt and I struggled with the idea of having to promote myself. But feeling so vulnerable only made me want to succeed all the more.
Well long story short, I wasn’t accepted. And even though I knew it was a long shot to begin with, I was still heartbroken.
But then I started to wonder… was I upset because I wasn’t selected or because I knew some friends who were?
God’s Blessings Toward Others Doesn’t Take Anything Away From You
I became angry with God. Why would he withhold this gift from me and then give it to my friends? I thought, “He must love them more than me.”
I was lost in believing that God had a limit on how much He could give. Like he only had 100 prayer requests to answer for the day and I just didn’t make the cut. Oh boy, how that was twisted thinking!
Somewhere along this journey of life, I think we have gotten in the habit of blurring the lines between comparison and competition.
The truth is that God is rich in grace and mercy. He doesn’t give to us because of anything we do, He is generous because of who He is. And he doesn’t love us because we love Him, in fact He “demonstrated his own love for us in this, while we were still sinners Christ died for usRomans 5:8.” Just let that sink in for a second.
Friends, be encouraged of this – the storehouses of Heaven are endless which means they NEVER RUN OUT. God is never wrathfully withholding any of his favor, abundance, or blessings from you. It just may not be in His timing to bestow it onto you. Ultimately, Him blessing someone else does not take away any blessings from you.
The Cure for Comparison is Contentment
With that being said, I have learned that the only cure for the trap of comparison is found in the shelter of contentment.
“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”
The Apostle Paul, Philippians 4:11-12
While comparison stems from looking at what you don’t have in your current or future circumstances, contentment focuses on finding satisfaction in all you already have.
A great exercise my mom showed me to help shift my mindset when battling thoughts of discontentment was creating a To-Do List. I know what you’re thinking… duh, Peyton we all know how to write a to-do list. But I’ll challenge you with this – As you are writing down all of the things you have to do, try and think of them as all the things you get to do.
Instead of saying you have to go to work in the morning, try thinking of it as the privilege it is to get to work in the industry you are most passionate about. And instead of saying you have to exercise today, think about how grateful you are to have a health body that gets to work-out today.
A spirit of contentment is brought forth from an attitude of gratitude and focusing not on what we lack, but the abundance we already have. It is not only being satisfied and fulfilled in who Christ is, but also being at peace with ourselves and other people.
Remember this, you already hold all the power to overcome the trap of comparison – it is housed within your mind!
Use Comparison to Grow You, Not Destroy You
So what if, moving forward, we used comparison not as a weapon to torture ourselves, but as a tool to better ourselves? I know, it’s idealistic thinking but it’s a goal I try to set for myself every day.
We have all been blessed with unique gifts and talents and a specific purpose that only we can fulfill. Trying to be something that we’re not would not only be a disservice to ourselves but to God and all the people we were destined to impact by being our genuine and authentic selves.
“I would rather be what God chose to make me than the most glorious creature that I could think of; for to have been born in God’s thought, and then made by God is the dearest, grandest, and most precious thing in all thinking.”
C.S. Lewis
There is so much we can learn from others who are living their life in a way that is different from our own. All it takes is a simple question and an eagerness to learn their story to help tear down the barriers we have built in our mind through the trap of comparison. Chances are, the illusion of success that is presented for the world to see isn’t all it’s cracked up to be!
Sometimes, a ‘No’ from God reveals an even better ‘Yes’
Looking back, I am so grateful that I wasn’t accepted into the summer internship program I so desperately wanted at the time. One, because it allowed me to come openly before the Lord with all of my raw fears and frustrations and deepen my trust in Him. And two, because it put His faithfulness on display in opening the door for new opportunities that would ultimately bring me greater joy.
Instead of spending a summer with people I didn’t know on a campus far from home, I had the privilege of performing and presenting my research with my best friend and favorite college professor/mentor. Even if I was given the option to go back and try it another way, I wouldn’t trade anything for the memories I made.
I’ll leave you with this. God already knows the things that trouble your heart and you don’t have to walk through the battle in your mind alone. He desires to take the burden of anxiety, fear, and discontentment from you and replace it with a peace and contentment that only comes from a relationship with Him. Even when we don’t know why things had to happen, God knows what He’s doing. All He asks is that we trust Him.
